firstworldproblem | IC Inbox (Imeeji)

Reasonably.

[But the danger is what makes it fun, so he's not complaining.]

Hmmm...stabbing's probably better. You haven't tried it.

Reasonably. If you happened to come to harm I would be most upset.

And I have been stabbed before, you know. And done my share of stabbing. I don't see the appeal.

Yeah but you haven't tried it as affection.

I suppose I have not.

Why, do you feel the urge to run me through?

Honestly? ...A bit.

...Really? I suppose you could common law it not to kill me if you really wished.

-- You can't say that, you're supposed to tell me be more productive about it!

What, tell you to work through your feelings of wanting to stab me or whatever?

That's what you do isn't it?

Would you like to talk out your feelings of wanting to stab me?

No.

Well now I think you should.

[Nudges him with his elbow.]

Why do you want to stab me? It's important to know.

[Rude!!!! He knows he can never get off the book, and besides which his lips aren't so tight thanks to the alcohol, so he just mumbles, pouting.]

Because I like you. And it pisses me off.

Liking me pisses you off?

Obviously.

[How is that obviously]

I don't know how to deal with that. Why do you think me and Dante fight.

Hmph. Because you're both emotionally stunted and have no other means of expressing yourselves.

[He leans his arms on the railing, stifling a yawn and thunking his head against Vergil's arm.]

Well. I like you too. And it frustrates me because I do not enjoy the unknown or things outside my control or understanding and a new friend certainly falls under both, so I can hardly judge you.

You may stab me if it'll help with the feelings.

That's because you're a fool too. I almost, almost thought you were good at this.

I don't know about helping...it won't make it stop.

[But he sure does want to! What else do you do with your feelings!]

[He laughs.]

I can be. I am drunk right now, you know.

Hm... Well, is it so hard to just... Feel them? Enjoy liking me. I am sure it's a little terrifying, but if you would trust me I would take your hand and not let it go.

But that's why it's frightening.

There are so many reasons to be frightened. Which is it for you? Or which ones if many.

I don't know, what are the options? Probably all of them.

Hm... There is the fear of opening up, of vulnerability, of others judging you for being yourself. In the end, boiled down, the fear of others rejecting you for who you are. Mocking you, hating you, not loving you.

There is also the fear of losing what you have, if you have something good, then it can always be taken away. You've already experienced that more keenly than most. Many would guard their hearts and never open them once so wounded, because that scar can run deep.

You see. All of it.

Especially losing it. And...weakness. I know it's stupid. You don't have to tell me.

[He sighs, head sinking to his arms where he has them on the balcony rail.]

Mmm... Foolish and stupid are not the same. Even I fear losing what I love. And perhaps to some extent being comfortable enough to be vulnerable. Many things terrify me deeply, in fact.

You have survived so long in strength and relying on yourself, to rely on another--it must be incredibly difficult. Exposing your heart, trying to trust I will not pluck it from your chest and laugh in your face while I grind it under heel. That, indeed, takes tremendous courage. I can understand the urge to stab me if only to protect yourself.

I've done nothing to prove to you I will not betray or leave you, ultimately. That your trust is not misplaced. And even if I had, I assure you the feelings of fear would likely still be there, perhaps even heightened. As my worth to you grows so will the terror of losing me.

But that... That is what it is, to have relationships. To love another. It is not all bad. It is mostly good, in fact. But fear--fear is hard to overcome. It is something that can destroy civilizations. Do not think yourself weak for having it.

...How do you know exactly what I'm thinking better then I do?

[Probably because of their similarities. But even so. He turns his back to the railing to lean against it, crossing his arms.]

But it's also...

[He has to gather his thoughts, please bear with the pause for a few moments.]

I can't protect you from anything? - I know you're plenty strong yourself, you don't need it. But still.

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