firstworldproblem | IC Inbox (Imeeji)

If I believed you incompetent I would never have had any interest in you. And despite my scolding you from time to time, you're more a saving energy type than truly lazy. You get things done, at any rate.

But you're just as capable of doing something stupid as anyone else. Don't forget how you initially took my informing you I've decided to accept your friendship.

Though granted, you were having a bad time.

Quite true. A bond that might never mend.

Though how was I to know you were being so devious behind my back for my benefit? To this day, you are the only one that cares about them. My brethren.

Doesn't that make you the strange one.

And once again I don't belong with others. Though somehow I don't exactly mind, this time around.

Don't be so sour. I do believe most of your feelings of non belonging simply lives in your head.

[ a sigh at that ]

You're not wrong. It's difficult to shake, but I understand that much. ... It's easier to deal with, now that I have other people besides Delores.

I wanted to ask, by the way. Have you had the chance to read Vanya's book?

Only in part though I did skip ahead to the parts where you made notations in the margins. Terrible, I know.

Perhaps that is why you are closest to Vanya. She does seem to feel like she is the odd one out as well.

You probably just missed some family drama or other.

I don't believe I felt like that back when I was a child — I was the only one who kept his number as his name and the first to rebel to our father, but I did feel like I was part of them. Vanya was different.

But you're right in guessing she was likely the one I was the closest to, given the contents of the books and what I remembered so far.

I will read every page. I do enjoy gossip and drama.

Vanya was quite different. Truly it must have been difficult for her. Though she did come back so she did hold some connection to all of you. I imagine you accepted her more readily than your founding father did.

You must miss them terribly.

I do. Every day in this place and every memory just makes it worse.

I lived most of my life without them, so I should be used to it. But then again, maybe that's exactly why. I got used to the idea of them being dead and then they were right in front of me again.

And now they're gone once more.

[Putting his arm around Five.]

You will see them again. Of that, I have no doubt. Not that it makes the waiting any harder, any less lonely. They are so dear to you after all.

[ he gives him a small smile at that, and definitely seens to find comfort in the arm around him ]

I have been considering that there's a chance we're all dead, and I haven't remembered yet. But even so, it doesn't matter. I wouldn't let that stop me.

[ a pause, and then he adds ]

You will see them again too. Your loved ones.

Even if they are, you do have the unique ability to not only try again, but if we consider wishes, well, you have a backup plan.

[He pauses, looking thoughtful.]

Ever will I strive, but I would be lying if I thought the possibility more unlikely than likely. 'Tis just the reality of the situation.

Well. You too have a backup plan - not to mention me. Blind optimism doesn't exactly suit me, but I do think we have some chances.

You are correct. 'Tis not a wasted endeavor or I would have given up a long time ago. Hope yet remains.

In that we are very similar.

That, and we're both too stubborn to accept things as they are.

Not a bad thing in my book.

But that is love more than it is pride. Even if I'm sure you will argue.

Ah, well. I suppose I can't exactly deny it.

If I didn't love my world I wouldn't have done half the things I did. Not to mention my family, obviously.

Which is why you make an excellent caretaker for your star. A mix of attachment and pragmatism.

Edited 2020-05-28 18:43 (UTC)

I think caretaker might be pushing it a little too far. And I do dislike the idea of giving any credit to my father - he was the one who wanted us to save the world, after all.

You will watch over it even after you stop the Apocalypse. Of that I have no doubt.

[He waves a hand.]

Saving the world implies heroism --- a righteousness you do not have.

Maybe we could consider it just a matter of cleaning up. You're right in that I don't exactly wish to see myself as heroic either.

[He simply nods. 'Hero' as a concept is complicated!]

Though returning to an earlier topic, how are you managing with the loneliness. You've had quite a bit of change recently with not only new unitmates but Delores as well.

[ he pauses at the question, taking some time to really consider it, and just. Looking up at the sky before he turns his attention back at Emet ]

It's becoming more manageable over time. It felt suffocating before, but now it's not as much as a pressing thought.

I'd be lying if I said I don't still feel lonely, from time to time. But it's becoming easier, knowing I have people around me.

We can never be a replacement. Wouldn't want to, but I am glad to hear it is at least becoming easier.

And I suppose if you do get lonely, the balcony is kept open for a certain someone. I'm sure you could fit if you manage to make your way up there.

You realize I could also just call your phone over and over until you come fetch me. Easier than climbing.

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