firstworldproblem | IC Inbox (Imeeji)

[He continues to lean on him and hold his hand while being content as a head rest. His other hand unconsciously goes to rest on his middle as he ponders.

How long would they have not known without Thancred bringing up the agreement? He doesn't really like to think about it.]

My trust has been waning of late. For myself. For others. And I do agree. I do not like not knowing. But they both are prideful and to confront them directly may not be the best course of action.

[He strokes Emet's knuckles with his thumb, wrapping his other arm around his chest and leaning back. Settling comfortably with Emet in his arms.]

What would you suggest? I have not settled on how I want to address this.

[He has little choice but to follow against him. Not that he minds.]

'Tis difficult. Both are new at friendships. I would not want to discourage that even if I dislike their choice. They are both stubborn as well. To directly approach it could make them unsure.

And they are our friends, not pawns on the board. They don't have to tell us everything. But if we say nothing, then they hardly know where we feel. And I'd rather be direct than not.

[He sighs and rubs a circle with his thumb over the back of Emet's hand.]

Tell me where your feelings lie. Perhaps it will help decide us both on a course. Because I confess my first instinct is not a reasonable one.

[That is concerning as he tilts his head to look up at him. He realizes he was requested to give his opinion, but...]

Tell me.

.......

Let them enough rope to hang themselves with.

Waiting for them to fail would make you miserable. And they are not perfect. They may falter.

[He sighs squeezing his fingers.]

Long have I chided the shards for not saying what they mean. So a direct approach is more preferable. That them being friends with the Scions does cause us concern for their judgement. And it is not a plea to stop as much as a show of uneasiness. Then let them come to their own conclusions.

That is why I would follow your judgement. I am too bitter for offering the benefit of the doubt.

[He returns the squeeze.]

But tell me of your own feelings. Not just how you wish to approach this.

It's a bit terrifying, is it not? And I do hope Vergil and the Scios have simply bonded through fighting and they emotions do not run deeper than that.

But I have my doubts.

Vergil has been known to make rash decisions and you've seen Five when he's conflicted with emotions about his siblings. He is not rash, but he hesitates where he should not. As much as he would say he would not, I know his mind too well. Should conflict arise, he will first look for an optimal solution where both parties interests are met. This farce of a truce is a prime example. Had he not cared for Thancred or trusted him, he would not have even brought it to us with the expectations of us honoring it.

To state it in your words, there will always be rope now.

[He sighs, leaning down to kiss Emet's forehead.]

Then let me be the one to carry the suspicions. You should not have this in the back of your mind when you spend time with Five. No matter how directly you confront him, I do not know if it will satisfy you, any reassurance.

But your joy with him is... deeply important. To color it with bracing for disappointment would be a shame.

Easier said than done considering Azem, how our people summoned Hydaelyn. My own actions. I do tend to stumble on the same pitfalls again and again.

[He squeezes his hand again and turns so he is laying more properly on him.]

But a problem for another day.

Is this what you mean by your trust in yourself waning?

[He lifts his arms and then settles them back around Emet's shoulders, getting comfy, one hand carding through his hair like petting a cat.]

Listen to me my friend. While I cannot claim to trust, I can say that you have gotten farther in attempting than I would in rejecting the attempts. I do not believe you are in the wrong. Whatever pitfalls trip you, whatever pain breaks your heart, it is your attempts that have seen us this far.

Do keep that in mind, as much as your heart aches and suspicions may gnaw, your love is not in error.

'This far...'?

[He closes his eyes.]

Tell me, Lahabrea, are we any closer to our goals than the first day after the Sundering? All we can rely on now is a hope that the Production can turn the tide for us. Otherwise, all will be for naught.

Now you are being overly pessimistic. We reached halfway in our old method, and a terrible method it was. Yet the Rejoinings would have continued, the world would have been whole had I myself not succumbed.

[He cups Emet's face, tilts it up to look at him.]

Doubt now resides in your heart, towards one you had complete faith in. Then let me say this. Five Hargreeves has always been a kind soul. His merits for loving you are also the weakness you fear will betray us. It has always been so. Only now it is more apparent because who he has chosen to befriend is our enemy.

All we have ever had is each other, and hope, and determination to see things through. Now we count others among our allies, shaky as that may feel right now. He wants what you do, a path without bloodshed. And Vergil... I will speak to on my own.

I no more trust the Production's powers than you, yet our course has ever been full of risk, and we can ill afford to be picky, that has always been the case.

So--Yes. This far. We have several available options in our plan, allies to see it through, and the possibility of our enemies letting go; remote, but still worth reaching for.

Every step you have fought for, with your heart, your belief, your willingness to look for new ways, to reach out to new people.

I feel we are closer than we have ever been. A long ways still, but one within a conceivable reach. And this is your doing, Hades.

Now I believe you are being overly optimistic. Would we have succeeded with Elidibus fading and the souls on the source becoming more powerful with each Rejoining?

[But he sighs, conceding.]

Do not think that I will fall into despair or that I you do not have my aid, my abilities. I will see it through to the end with all my might brought to bear.

Perhaps it is simply too much, too soon. Dealing with what Azem has become, my faith in the Scions shattered as I thought we had come to an accord even before arriving here, Elidibus, and now this.

Now would be the time when I would leave you to sleep for a century or more, but neither of us have the luxury.

I know I have you. But it is not your aid and abilities that I worry for, Emet-Selch.

It is your heart.

You are weary and rightly so. You got no rest after the Garlean empire as well, I believe? It has been long since you were allowed a moment's pause, and I cannot even give you one here. A few days of reprieve at best. It is not enough, not nearly, for all that has happened, the soul-wrenching revelations, all of it.

Rest. If only for the week, when we have dealt with the Scions, stay at my side and do nothing more complicated than make requests for dinner or music.

I will find no rest until the truth of what happened with Elidibus is revealed. I don't even care about the Scions. As we both have agreed, it is flimsy at best case.

Then tell me what I may do to help.

Your company. Why do you think I've stuck in BARiTONES these past few days unless I was dragged out for other reasons?

My presence you have always, whenever you desire it.

I confess I had not realized it was me you wished to stay close to. I will not leave your side until you are sick of my company.

I still feel guilty, but that does not mean I still don't desire your company. Nor do I want to monopolize it. You have made new friends after all.

Monopolize me. Truly do. I would greedily keep you to myself for as long as you allow.

[He strokes his fingertips over Emet's brows, tucking his hair back behind an ear.]

For your guilt, is there naught I can do until you see it for yourself?

What would you do, if you found yourself in my place?

Do you think I am not there already?

[He lifts a hand, looking at it and not Emet-Selch.]

It was I who conceived of Guardian Forces. I who laid the groundwork for Zodiark. Ultimately, I who decided that the plan, its heart, was more important than one life, or even many, hesitate though we all did. I who could not find another way.

And when he returned to us, and when the sundering was done. Who dragged you both along, eons on end, towards a hope you never quite believed and he was bound to without even a shred of himself left to understand why?

[He drops his hand gently, brushes it through Emet's hair.]

Do not mistake me. This is not self-pity.

Long have I known the torment you both endured. I am a stubborn, prideful man who cannot accept giving up, but I am not entirely deluded.

In truth I do not know how to answer, however. For even with you in front of me I have never quite known what to say. For all you have endured. For my failure to you, and to Elidibus.

I did not take your lives but it was as much the same. We have not been living, not truly. Being here makes me understand that.

So I wonder, even if you took his life with your own hands, could it be anything but the right decision? The kind one? The one I could not make. Another thing I left undone for you to set right.

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