firstworldproblem | IC Inbox (Imeeji)

[He tucks their joined hands close to his chest. His now.]

That is because you hate to see others suffer so. Long and hard have you always worked for the salvation of the people you love dearly.

There is much to be upset about. Zodiark. Your untempering. The injuries we both received. All will be weighed for each is a transgression.

[His! That's fine, this Emet-Selch belongs to him anyway. He leans down to kiss Emet-Selch's forehead, brushing his hair back from his face and then taking off his mask. Maybe there are cameras around but he won't wear it right now regardless.]

I am inclined to be forgiving for most of it, as I said. They are dear to us, both. But I can only leave forgiveness for your abandonment to you. Whether you will or will not, whether you even wish to try. There is no rush to decide.

For now I have you and I do not mean to let you go for at least the day.

[He runs his thumb across the back of his hand in a slow circle. With the other he asks for his mask.]

Why does it bother you so much? My abandonment. Surely your un-tempering was far more traumatic.

...Can you truly think that? Even untempered your scream echoed in my ears.

[He does pass him the mask at least, cupping his cheek and stroking with his thumb upsidedown like this.]

At the end of our world, when all was chaos, and my mind and heart felt torn asunder, and I could not reach for you, I had been taken from you while you experienced that alone. Emet-Selch, Hades, how can you ask why it bothers me more than all else?

Even now the memory, hazy as it is, fills me with such remorse I cannot well contain it. You are my heart and soul. To be torn from you at any time is terrible, but when you are wounded, alone, and need me? When our star is dying before us?

[He actually just can't keep talking he buries his face in Emet's hair.]

[He averts his gaze at the mention of his... well, breakdown. No one else had mentioned it though he imagines Five would have if he had been there. But it was a lot easier to ignore it in favor of being upset over the untempering.

He lays the mask against his chest not wanting it to touch the floor and then reaches up to cup the back of his neck at the odd angle. The corners of his eye collect wetness as Lahabrea continues to speak.]

I know you would have been there had you been able. I feared for you, I truly did, when you disappeared. I knew not what became of you with your soul so recently shredded. If Vergil would cut you down further.

I was terrified.

[He breathes against Emet's hair a moment and lifts his face from it to cup Emet's cheeks, press his lips to his forehead for a long moment befor mustering the energy to speak again.]

As was I. I was overcome with grief, but had I had any reason or coherence left in me I would have returned to you in an instant. That I could not manage even that much pains me beyond compare. Nothing else hurts as deeply as being forced to leave you like that, I do not know that anything possibly could.

[He brushes his thumbs under Emet's eyes.]

Being untempered left me shattered, but being taken from you is something I cannot even begin to describe. Like my heart and soul breaking, or dissolving to ash... Nothing, nothing in this or any world is worth seeing you in such agony and terror and being kept from going to your side. So do not wonder at why that is what sticks with me, Hades. There is nothing else that will haunt me the same way.

[When he does brush his thumbs under his eyes the tears do begin to fall.]

It is so foreign, is it not? After so many lifetimes, so many eons together, to be forced apart like that with all of our abilities intact. It really is too much to bear.

[He leans up on his elbows though to wrap his arms around his neck and bury his face into his neck with thick breathing still careful to keep his mask securely in his lap.]

But I am here now. Back at your side. Do not let this haunt you like so many other events before it.

[He wraps his arms around him, however awkward the angle. Holding him close. Cupping the back of his head and just honestly clinging tightly.]

And what of you? For all my pain and rage at being taken from you, it is you who was left abandoned and alone to despair.

Yes we are together now, and I would not be torn from you again. But it is primarily for you that I worry.

Edited 2020-08-23 21:43 (UTC)

[There is only clinging now as he's practically sitting in his lap.]

What more is there to say? Disregarding Absinthe's role because I do believe he was driven a little mad by the that which plagued us all, I still cannot bring reason to why we were considered the villains. Even before you casted Ultima I was struck down.

They would rather watch the star be torn asunder before offering their aide. How can I not feel anything but despair? And yet they have the gall to claim us irredeemable, callous, ignorant of the consequences.

And I do not need to tell you how I feel about the Sundering. No matter how long I live, 'tis a wound that will never heal. A sight I can never forget.

[Clinging is good, just holding onto him tightly. This man he cherishes above all.

He kisses his temple, arms tight around him.]

Whatever you wish to say. Vent, or cry, rage or wail, whatever it is to gain some release. This is why my anger, my dearest heart. Why I cannot forgive unless you find you wish to.

You would resign yourself to not thinking of this, to dismissing what was done to you to just disappointment. After all you've seen, you stay so gentle. Despair rather than fury. Can you fathom my rage, that I could not protect you even a little?

Edited 2020-08-23 22:06 (UTC)

It would have been so vastly different to have you there. To hold. To seek comfort from.

Can I forgive them?

[Though try as he might to stay steady the tears do start to fall and his hands shake.]

Yes. They are on their way to mending that, but to trust them. I don't ... I don't know.

[He does reach up and pat his cheek.]

Do not blame yourself. I knew you would have been at my side if you were able.

[He pets his hair, his back, whatever is in reach, holding him tighter as his tears fall, if that is even possible.]

I will not self-recriminate but I cannot help if my anger does include myself to some degree. Ever would I wish to be there for you, especially in such a situation, to fail to do so for any reason, no matter how valid, is hard to accept.

[He kisses Emet's hand, almost laughing, though it's sad.]

Trust. That you could even think it to speak of it even in the negative. How I love you. Yet every time your heart breaks, mine breaks also. More times than the stars in the sky has your heart been so hurt.

If you find trust then I shall try to follow. But do not think I expect or want it for them, it is your heart I am concerned for.

We were both fooled, were we not? To believe we had allies. You could not have predicted Vergil's actions any better than I could. Please, do not blame yourself.

[He lifts his head, tears falling still to rest his forehead against his holding in a shaky breathe for a moment.]

The wound will sting. Who knows how long it will take to heal. It is truly up to them for I gave them my all.

But do not think me without anyone. I have you, and Five, whom I unwillingly Tempered in that illusion. I am not free of guilt.

[He cups his face. Gently brushes his thumbs over the tear tracks.]

I care not for your guilt. And the point is not whether you are alone now. You are not. You have me, and Five too.

I worry still. I know your heart is resilient, your nature more kind and gentle than any. Truly I suspect you will forgive long before I would consider it. You may well trust again sooner than either of us think.

And thus I worry.

What happened hurt you. And afterwards I was lost to you for a time, so deep in grief. And yet you would ask me why seeing you so hurt was the worst of it for me, as if your heart's wounds were not paramount.

Can you not see why that breaks my heart, Hades? That you would try to dismiss your own ordeal, to me.

[He closes his eyes and ducks his head under Lahabrea's chin despite their height differences, tear still falling. Lahabrea is right and he will argue no further.]

How different it would have been had you simply been there. To hold. To feel. Cardinal tried, but they are not you. No one could replace you.

I do not even know how to begin to heal from it.

[He kisses the top of Emet's head and tucks his chin there, this is his and he will hold him close.]

Stay in my arms. Let me hold and soothe you today and every day. If you wish to be clinging do not hold back with me. I do not know when or how you might heal, but I do know you need not be reserved with me.

You are my dearest, my beloved, my heart, beyond mere words. There is nothing I would not do for you, so do not hesitate to reach for me when you require. I shall certainly be more prone to staying close than I am wont, I know that well.

Should it be a need to cry or a need for comfort or simply to be spoiled, it would ease us both if you let me be here for you without any reserve.

[He holds him around the waist, a content hum leaving him.]

I know. Of the few truths left in the world, this I know to be true. I have no doubts you would ease my worries, and I would seek you out should they need to be mended.

'Tis been a long road, together, my dearest friend, and we are hardly at the end of it. And I know you've been suffering these past days. As have I. But just as my presence soothed you, so did yours for me.

How could any of them possibly compare to what we have?

[He snorts softly.]

There is no comparison.

[He runs his palm up and down Emet-Selch's lap.]

Nothing can be the same as what what we have. There is nothing in any world that will be my heart as you are, no one, no existence. You are right, just being near you soothes me, as I know the reverse does for you. Yet that does not mean I cannot do more, as you do always.

Still you do thrive when you love others, just as you are with Five. It makes me glad to see you so happy and content as you are with him. If not for that I would be far more wary of your tendency to get your heart broken.

[He drys his eyes with the palm of his hand before latching onto him again.]

Your first thought upon waking, healthy and whole, was all this, was it not? To soothe. To tend. To heal. You do just as much as I, just simply in different ways.

[He smiles fondly. How can he not?]

Five Hargreeves. Too arrogant. Too self-assured. Running before he learns to walk. Even from the beginning ever had he surprised me. Very few can leave me so befuddled, and few still with such frequency.

[Roasting is love, right?]

But I do love him.

[He brushes Emet's hair back keeps him close, smiling at the fondness in his voice.]

You will allow me my worries and fretting over you.

But I am glad. You truly have found someone you care for and adore, whom you trust. That is precious beyond all measure. I am rather fond of him myself.

I would not deny you, no. And it does warm my heart that you do strive to soothe me. I don't believe even I realized that this wound was festering rather than healing.

[He does tilt his head back up so he can kiss him softly on the corner the lips.]

If you were worried about my heart truly breaking, it would be at his betrayal. But I do not believe for a moment he would.

For better and worse we are both used to carrying on when all is bleak. Perhaps too self-reliant we have grown.

[He returns the kiss to the edge of Emet's lips! Just soft, affectionate, and deeply upset and worried and loving.]

Ever will I have some part reserved until our home is truly ours again... But I do mostly agree, his betrayal is hard to picture, even by accident.

[He laughs warmly at the kiss.]

Come now. Your face is a flood of emotions. Despite the tears, I am truly soothed. That you would take the time to push me out of the shell and outward charade I do sometimes retreat to. It will hurt. It will always hurt, but the sting can be alleviated. Highly dulled.

And I should thank you again for opening up to him. I know it is difficult for you. But if I could make a request. Would you mind lying down?

You cannot accuse me of such when your own face reveals so much.

[He sighs petting Emet's hair.]

Too oft do I assume you are capable of handling things alone. Not that you are not capable, but neither of us should be alone, this I've come to accept fully.

Still! Of all the requests, that it should be one so complex, I am not sure I can manage it.

[He says while he adjusts back and lays down.]

Most events I can. This one was particularly impactful for reasons I do not need to explain. I do not even believe I realize how affected I am.

[He knocks the umbrella out of the way to let the sun hit them directly as he lays upon him.]

How delightful that you are so accommodating. I know it is a struggle.

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