firstworldproblem | IC Inbox (Imeeji)

[There is only clinging now as he's practically sitting in his lap.]

What more is there to say? Disregarding Absinthe's role because I do believe he was driven a little mad by the that which plagued us all, I still cannot bring reason to why we were considered the villains. Even before you casted Ultima I was struck down.

They would rather watch the star be torn asunder before offering their aide. How can I not feel anything but despair? And yet they have the gall to claim us irredeemable, callous, ignorant of the consequences.

And I do not need to tell you how I feel about the Sundering. No matter how long I live, 'tis a wound that will never heal. A sight I can never forget.

[Clinging is good, just holding onto him tightly. This man he cherishes above all.

He kisses his temple, arms tight around him.]

Whatever you wish to say. Vent, or cry, rage or wail, whatever it is to gain some release. This is why my anger, my dearest heart. Why I cannot forgive unless you find you wish to.

You would resign yourself to not thinking of this, to dismissing what was done to you to just disappointment. After all you've seen, you stay so gentle. Despair rather than fury. Can you fathom my rage, that I could not protect you even a little?

Edited 2020-08-23 22:06 (UTC)

It would have been so vastly different to have you there. To hold. To seek comfort from.

Can I forgive them?

[Though try as he might to stay steady the tears do start to fall and his hands shake.]

Yes. They are on their way to mending that, but to trust them. I don't ... I don't know.

[He does reach up and pat his cheek.]

Do not blame yourself. I knew you would have been at my side if you were able.

[He pets his hair, his back, whatever is in reach, holding him tighter as his tears fall, if that is even possible.]

I will not self-recriminate but I cannot help if my anger does include myself to some degree. Ever would I wish to be there for you, especially in such a situation, to fail to do so for any reason, no matter how valid, is hard to accept.

[He kisses Emet's hand, almost laughing, though it's sad.]

Trust. That you could even think it to speak of it even in the negative. How I love you. Yet every time your heart breaks, mine breaks also. More times than the stars in the sky has your heart been so hurt.

If you find trust then I shall try to follow. But do not think I expect or want it for them, it is your heart I am concerned for.

We were both fooled, were we not? To believe we had allies. You could not have predicted Vergil's actions any better than I could. Please, do not blame yourself.

[He lifts his head, tears falling still to rest his forehead against his holding in a shaky breathe for a moment.]

The wound will sting. Who knows how long it will take to heal. It is truly up to them for I gave them my all.

But do not think me without anyone. I have you, and Five, whom I unwillingly Tempered in that illusion. I am not free of guilt.

[He cups his face. Gently brushes his thumbs over the tear tracks.]

I care not for your guilt. And the point is not whether you are alone now. You are not. You have me, and Five too.

I worry still. I know your heart is resilient, your nature more kind and gentle than any. Truly I suspect you will forgive long before I would consider it. You may well trust again sooner than either of us think.

And thus I worry.

What happened hurt you. And afterwards I was lost to you for a time, so deep in grief. And yet you would ask me why seeing you so hurt was the worst of it for me, as if your heart's wounds were not paramount.

Can you not see why that breaks my heart, Hades? That you would try to dismiss your own ordeal, to me.

[He closes his eyes and ducks his head under Lahabrea's chin despite their height differences, tear still falling. Lahabrea is right and he will argue no further.]

How different it would have been had you simply been there. To hold. To feel. Cardinal tried, but they are not you. No one could replace you.

I do not even know how to begin to heal from it.

[He kisses the top of Emet's head and tucks his chin there, this is his and he will hold him close.]

Stay in my arms. Let me hold and soothe you today and every day. If you wish to be clinging do not hold back with me. I do not know when or how you might heal, but I do know you need not be reserved with me.

You are my dearest, my beloved, my heart, beyond mere words. There is nothing I would not do for you, so do not hesitate to reach for me when you require. I shall certainly be more prone to staying close than I am wont, I know that well.

Should it be a need to cry or a need for comfort or simply to be spoiled, it would ease us both if you let me be here for you without any reserve.

[He holds him around the waist, a content hum leaving him.]

I know. Of the few truths left in the world, this I know to be true. I have no doubts you would ease my worries, and I would seek you out should they need to be mended.

'Tis been a long road, together, my dearest friend, and we are hardly at the end of it. And I know you've been suffering these past days. As have I. But just as my presence soothed you, so did yours for me.

How could any of them possibly compare to what we have?

[He snorts softly.]

There is no comparison.

[He runs his palm up and down Emet-Selch's lap.]

Nothing can be the same as what what we have. There is nothing in any world that will be my heart as you are, no one, no existence. You are right, just being near you soothes me, as I know the reverse does for you. Yet that does not mean I cannot do more, as you do always.

Still you do thrive when you love others, just as you are with Five. It makes me glad to see you so happy and content as you are with him. If not for that I would be far more wary of your tendency to get your heart broken.

[He drys his eyes with the palm of his hand before latching onto him again.]

Your first thought upon waking, healthy and whole, was all this, was it not? To soothe. To tend. To heal. You do just as much as I, just simply in different ways.

[He smiles fondly. How can he not?]

Five Hargreeves. Too arrogant. Too self-assured. Running before he learns to walk. Even from the beginning ever had he surprised me. Very few can leave me so befuddled, and few still with such frequency.

[Roasting is love, right?]

But I do love him.

[He brushes Emet's hair back keeps him close, smiling at the fondness in his voice.]

You will allow me my worries and fretting over you.

But I am glad. You truly have found someone you care for and adore, whom you trust. That is precious beyond all measure. I am rather fond of him myself.

I would not deny you, no. And it does warm my heart that you do strive to soothe me. I don't believe even I realized that this wound was festering rather than healing.

[He does tilt his head back up so he can kiss him softly on the corner the lips.]

If you were worried about my heart truly breaking, it would be at his betrayal. But I do not believe for a moment he would.

For better and worse we are both used to carrying on when all is bleak. Perhaps too self-reliant we have grown.

[He returns the kiss to the edge of Emet's lips! Just soft, affectionate, and deeply upset and worried and loving.]

Ever will I have some part reserved until our home is truly ours again... But I do mostly agree, his betrayal is hard to picture, even by accident.

[He laughs warmly at the kiss.]

Come now. Your face is a flood of emotions. Despite the tears, I am truly soothed. That you would take the time to push me out of the shell and outward charade I do sometimes retreat to. It will hurt. It will always hurt, but the sting can be alleviated. Highly dulled.

And I should thank you again for opening up to him. I know it is difficult for you. But if I could make a request. Would you mind lying down?

You cannot accuse me of such when your own face reveals so much.

[He sighs petting Emet's hair.]

Too oft do I assume you are capable of handling things alone. Not that you are not capable, but neither of us should be alone, this I've come to accept fully.

Still! Of all the requests, that it should be one so complex, I am not sure I can manage it.

[He says while he adjusts back and lays down.]

Most events I can. This one was particularly impactful for reasons I do not need to explain. I do not even believe I realize how affected I am.

[He knocks the umbrella out of the way to let the sun hit them directly as he lays upon him.]

How delightful that you are so accommodating. I know it is a struggle.

[He wraps his arms around Emet, fingers running down and up his spine, petting.]

Well then, relax. Truly. Let yourself be at ease for a while.

[He reaches up to pet his hair.]

I am. I suppose you can truly appreciate how relieved I am that you are better. That you don't shake. Nothing better can happen this day than this.

[He kisses the top of Emet-Selch's head.]

And I am relieved you are looking more relaxed at last. I intend to keep you to myself as selfishly as possible, since it is such a good day.

Edited 2020-08-25 05:05 (UTC)

You aren't tired of me yet? I have been almost tripping over you the last few days.

But you did say you had something planned for evening, did you not?

How could I be. I needed your presence the most these last days, and I confess I still wish to monopolize you all the more. I'm sure in time I shall grow less clingy again, but you will have to put up with my desire to be around you being quite heightened.

And yes, though it is not anything so glamorous as a pegasus, I would treat you to something later.

I could jest that somehow I would survive it, but I am enjoying your presence immensely. I did take your presence for granted. An act I will not fall victim to a second time.

Originally, 'twas a gift meant to be shared when all four of us together, but I do believe I enjoyed this unveiling more. And it is a distraction. One your mind needs. Though do not take that as an absolute. No topic is off for discussion.

I believe we both have. Taken each other's presence for granted. It is best to be reminded while we can still remedy it.

A plot, I should not be surprised. But I did like this unveiling the most, I think. And the same for you. We may speak of whatever you like, heavy or not, whatever it is you wish for today, I would fulfill it. I simply wish to see you relaxed and unguarded for a time, letting yourself be at ease.

I do tend to be dramatic from time to time. A carryover from empire building.

Do take it as a reminder when you look upon it that you are always in my thoughts. Ever the simple gestures stick with us the longest.

... Unguarded. Do either of us even know what that means anymore? I surely do not.

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