firstworldproblem | IC Inbox (Imeeji)

My corruption makes me adverse to them. 'Tis why many of the BARiTONES rooms have a brightness setting.

Is your room not more comfortable?

[He sighs softly.]

...I would appreciate if you all started telling me about your corruptions sooner. But we can go to my room if you would prefer.

[He can't help but laugh a little.]

Did I not by asking you to dim the lights? But I would like to see how you've decorated it. Indulge my curiosity.

You only said to dim the lights, and I can think of at least three reasons for that, not counting a corruption. Unless you would like me to assume that every request I receive is due to one?

[His tone is mostly joking, though.]

But I fear I must disappoint you--I've barely done anything with my room yet. But I plan to, soon. Once I recover some funds.

[Leading the way to his room, though, and once inside he waves a hand to dim the lights. Being fin at least has its advantages when it comes to electronics! Unfortunately, it's still mostly your standard issue fin room, the main difference being a second bed on the opposite wall to the "default" one, plus some general debris of living - books borrowed from the library, pieces of metal and wire on the desk, along with some notebooks and blueprints.]

Luckily I am not prone to touching wayward marks in Heaven or Hell so I have just the one. Not that there are not other difficulties.

[He will take a seat either on a bed or chair whatever looks most comfortable for his poor back.]

Shall we cut through the idle chatter? Not that it isn't delightful. A few days ago the thought of touch scared you as did a name. I am glad of your progress, but you can see where my worry comes from.

[Bed's your best bet, fin chairs are floating cubes. Levity shakes his head as he takes a seat on the opposite bed, climbing onto it to sit on it cross-legged.]

In fact, once again I can think of at least three reasons and directions your worry may come from or head to.

[He rest his chin in his palm.]

Does that matter when at the end of the day I'm simply worried about you, my dear friend.

[He smiles softly.]

Then if you tell me what you worry about, I may be able to dispel it.

Your mental health for one. I do not know the specifics, and truthfully I don't need to, but you had to take drastic measures to escape it. You were scared, hurt, and worried you were a burden.

This terrible event will always live with you, but those that have come to care for you can help lessen the blow with love and compassion and care. The fact that you are reaching out does relieve my final concern, but the others are still there.

...I did receive some support from a source I did not expect, but it has helped me greatly. Enough that I was able to turn to pep!pep! for Cloud Nine, and... it gave me some room to breathe. And understand what inner state I wish to achieve.

Does that reassure you, Hades?

A little. But it sounds a temporary measure.

[He gets up and crosses the room asking silently for permission before sitting down next to him.]

You do not have to heal within a day, a week, or even in years. The pace can be at your cho0sing. But tell me about this state you wish to achieve.

Edited 2021-02-16 06:01 (UTC)

[Sit is allowed! But still not so close as to touch. He leans back against the wall, looking at the ceiling with a smile.]

Well, that too is something I realized. It is as Lahabrea said - take it one day at a time. And every temporary measure need only be good enough until tomorrow. Every day, until tomorrow. Until the day I can see that tomorrow.

I went on a walk the other day. Just... walked, for the entire day, and I did not have to think about anything much. And it was amazing. My body is starting to feel more like my own again. Even if not always and not in full, I can taste food again. I needn't spend my every moment drowning in fear, though it yet lurks at the back of my mind, and I know the road ahead is long. But I want to make a start on it.

[He sits with him and gives him his space.]

He is taking good care of you, isn't he? Of course he is.

I am glad to hear it, my old friend. But you were always resilient and hopeful. Truthfully, it feels strange to give you advice. I felt it was I who always turned to you when my mind lead me astray.

But allow me to help anyway I can. Sometimes it is the smallest details that can make the biggest impact. For example, I could pack you lunch for your walks as I think you should continue taking them. A connection point so that you know that others are thinking of you.

[He sighs softly.]

I did feel somewhat guilty for not being able to be a pillar of support for you and Lahabrea. I know you have both been through much... but Lahabrea helped me realize that I needn't push myself needlessly for that, either. Just do what I can for you, when I can.

Having lunch to take with me would be sweet. And likely would help me preserve points. I do plan to keep taking them... I want to be myself again, sooner or later.

And what do I need support for? My soul excursion experiences were tame in comparison. Being nigh immortal I've lost my mortal vessel countless times. I truly does not bother me any longer.

I would not want to force a schedule, but I can leave them in the FIN kitchen. Though I am not much of a cook.

[...well he didn't know about you dying countless times over before, maybe if you shady fucks TOLD HIM ANYTHING AT ALL EVER.]

I do not mean in these "heart games" - I know you've endured much before that. Though I know not the specifics, of course, as both you and Lahabrea seem disinclined to tell me much.

[Gently chiding.]

And maybe you could cook them with Lily. I know she worries for me, too, and having someone else to support her would help her greatly, I believe.

[But where is the fun in that?]

If you truly wish to know, Hythlodaeus, I will not hide it from you. Though I recommend you heal from this wound first.

[He sighs at the mention of Lily.]

If you could help prod her in the direction that she is not a burden I would be much obliged. Anything I say seems to be taken in the worst context.

[Absinthe was shady at him and look where that led.

Levity's face darkens, too. So she does feel like that...]

...I wonder if what I say will be any use. I think that... she blames herself for not being able to protect me, even though this was no fault of hers, nor even--

[His expression changes to one of shock, rapidly.]

--Oh heavens. Is she still--

It helps if we all tell her the same thing. Perhaps it will stick. Though I would not hold my breathe.

[He tilts his head.]

Do you need to be somewhere else?

[He breathes out shakily, burying his face in his hands.]

N-No, it's... Back then, in Vergil's soul--she accidentally sent enemies to where I was. She had no idea I was there, she did not know I would be in danger. But she blamed herself greatly for it... She came to save me, and though she did not tell me I believe she died for it. I'm... I'm certain she still blames herself, though she couldn't have possibly known.

[He sighs.]

Lily. If only she did not have such crippling self doubt, how much she could accomplish. I find her nearly inconsolable at times, but surely progress will be made.

[Hythlodaeus pulls his knees up to his chest, hugging them.]

...Something happened to her, didn't it? Back in the world...

She was not thought highly of, no. More tool than human. The scars it has left are deep indeed.

But she isn't alone there. She has someone she cares for. However, she seeks approval from those who will never give it to her, and it does weigh so heavily on her heart.

[His hold tightens, brow furrowing.]

...Whoever it is, they're fools. Lily is wonderful. She's kind and strong and loving.

[Hythlodaeus breathes out quietly.]

I hope... I hope that I can help her understand it, one day. I love her so much, Hades...

She is all of those things and much more.

But it is hard to judge, is is not? I know little of the star she hails and its plights. And not all is so plain to the eye.

Re: 333+; throws threads at EVERYONE

weenwoon - 2021-02-19 12:06 (UTC) - Expand

Re: 333+; throws threads at EVERYONE

firstworldproblem - 2021-02-22 08:10 (UTC) - Expand