I would also ask yourself why you have this sudden desire to change. Is it truly the return of your child or simply because you tire of playing the game?
Well, it's not as if I'm just going to become a good person. I'm not trying to redeem myself or anything. But it's not sudden at all, I just...thought I had done it already.
I was starting to notice already, my husband was terrified of me, even though everything I do is for him. Now I keep seeing how bad it's been, that I don't have any life of my own and the way I try to hide that is alienating them.
I know you did not come here with that intent. But your desire to better yourself is evident, and a task you cannot do alone. We are not solitary creatures after all. You do not owe me for the advice.
But considering the nature of this place, I won't say no to extra meals. Simply visiting will do as well. This place has seen fit to discourage me from wandering around on my own, and the company of those who have seen more years is a welcome change.
You can call on me to escort you any time you want to go somewhere or just get out of the house. And, well, if more food is helpful, then that's easy. I hope you like meat, I do have a weapon now, and shooting is the closest thing I have to a hobby, so it might as well be put to use.
Any food will help. After games we don't have the energy usually to really take care of ourselves outside of trying to hit objectives. Or at least, I don't.
Oh? Were you a mark-smith before or is this a new hobby?
Hmm, yes and no? The family I was born to is the type to hand a little girl a gun and tell her to kill someone, you know? So I've always been good at it. While my husband likes going shooting for fun, so I go with him, but it's really his hobby. With the monsters around though, there's quite a bit more excitement. I don't really see the point in something without effort or stakes, but now there are some.
A thrill-seeker, hm...? My main uses are to work out difficult problems and violence, so it's difficult to tell whether I really enjoy aspects of things like that or am just playing to my strengths. ...But I suppose I can't force adrenaline, so then it must be real.
Freedom, I guess? But all that I really want to do with it is watch Rudolf-san mess around with problems until he figures out a solution or asks for my help. It's a bit of a contradiction, so that's probably a large part of the issue.
All things considered, I consider it to be a rather charming goal. Simply being around those whom you care for even if it can be selfish and selfless at the same time.
Are you sure? I think there's an awful lot to judge. You did say that you have to pretend to care about your team more than you do, that's not equivalent to being judgmental, but... I do believe there was also something about thinking badly of everyone.
For better or for worse, I have to keep in their good graces. There might be a time when I do desire to have them make a certain decisions. And above that, I do need a place to go or else my taboos will wither my soul alive as much as I wish I did not.
[He taps his chin.]
Habits are hard to break. The advice I gave you is advice I should take as well.
I don't fit in with them. My team. 'Tis obvious. Perhaps it is age. Perhaps it is because I care little for their crisis of morality and finding worth.
[cool, time to app kira back so Emet has to deal with the absolute worst level of that!]
Ah. That would be frustrating. There's no point in worrying about morality, either you're going to do something or not, and if you do, then you had better be prepared to own it too. My team is doing the opposite right now, they don't think they've done anything wrong, even though it sounds like they're just as guilty as the one they're fighting with. But it's just the same, I'm keeping my mouth shut.
You seem like someone who can get away with being just a bit rude, though. That they might chalk it up to a charm point.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
firstworldproblem) wrote2024-05-05 07:01 pm
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
I was starting to notice already, my husband was terrified of me, even though everything I do is for him. Now I keep seeing how bad it's been, that I don't have any life of my own and the way I try to hide that is alienating them.
Re: Day 53
How ironic. Doing everything for another but also accused of being selfish. If they truly love you, they will not leave you. Not on a whim.
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
But I do wish you luck. And I do hope this has helped even a little.
Re: Day 53
Sorry, but thank you, too. I'll have to do better than just bringing you leftover food.
Re: Day 53
But considering the nature of this place, I won't say no to extra meals. Simply visiting will do as well. This place has seen fit to discourage me from wandering around on my own, and the company of those who have seen more years is a welcome change.
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Oh? Were you a mark-smith before or is this a new hobby?
Re: Day 53
Hmm, yes and no? The family I was born to is the type to hand a little girl a gun and tell her to kill someone, you know? So I've always been good at it. While my husband likes going shooting for fun, so I go with him, but it's really his hobby. With the monsters around though, there's quite a bit more excitement. I don't really see the point in something without effort or stakes, but now there are some.
Re: Day 53
Ah, so you are a bit of a thrill seeker. I do believe that is part of your core personality. Or do you think it is the persona you wear?
Re: Day 53
A thrill-seeker, hm...? My main uses are to work out difficult problems and violence, so it's difficult to tell whether I really enjoy aspects of things like that or am just playing to my strengths. ...But I suppose I can't force adrenaline, so then it must be real.
Re: Day 53
She did. That doesn't mean it wasn't cruel or unnatural. And hard to imagine that simply removing limbs would have served me better.
Let me ask you this. What is your ideal life?
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
But I won't judge you about it. Much.
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
[He taps his chin.]
Habits are hard to break. The advice I gave you is advice I should take as well.
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
I don't fit in with them. My team. 'Tis obvious. Perhaps it is age. Perhaps it is because I care little for their crisis of morality and finding worth.
But antagonizing them wins me no favors.
Re: Day 53
Ah. That would be frustrating. There's no point in worrying about morality, either you're going to do something or not, and if you do, then you had better be prepared to own it too. My team is doing the opposite right now, they don't think they've done anything wrong, even though it sounds like they're just as guilty as the one they're fighting with. But it's just the same, I'm keeping my mouth shut.
You seem like someone who can get away with being just a bit rude, though. That they might chalk it up to a charm point.
Re: Day 53
Oh, I've asked. They expect it of me, the sass. But charming? Not so much.
The dangerous ones listen, you know. Really listen. And in turn, those are the most interesting.
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53
Re: Day 53