firstworldproblem | IC Inbox 2 (Imeeji)

[He nods, slowly - and then wraps his arms around Emet tighter, as though trying to hide, body tense and breath a little too obviously controlled.]

I did... I wanted to ask... How you did-- how to...

[how do you DEAL with murder and stuff!!!!! like actual real murder not just game murder!!!]

[He tucks him under his head and holds him tightly.]

How do I...?

[thank u.......... big comfy.]

How do you... deal with it all? With the way--things are... the things we're forced to do...

[He still assumes they are talking about games, so he doesn't get 'ergo not truly alive' speech.]

Truthfully it helps to remember that everyone here is practically immortal. There are scars left behind I will not trivialize, but even after the worst of it there is no permanence. If there were, I think we'd all find it much more difficult to play as hard as we do.

[(Un)fortunately that's close enough, he's not ready to face The Ascianism in full yet anyway.]

But it's... killing and hurting someone still. It's... I-I could deal with it if I was not thinking about it, or when Jason was still here, but...

Even if--even if we are revived, it's still... death and suffering. And I can't...

I am not trying to say that it is not. That people will not be hurt.

But the reality is that people will be regardless of anyone's actions. Even if we all banded together, death is still a reality we must face.

[He doesn't answer, just curling up and hiding his face in his hands instead. :( Sometimes you're an Ancient actually confronting hurting and murdering people and that's more than you can handle?]

[He just strokes his back because it DOES SUCK. But life isn't really fair.]

[But what if, it was fair??? :(

He's just going to cling for a time, trying not to cry.]

I hate it...

I know.

[Continues to pet him.]

And you should. It should not be this way.

[The petting seems to calm him - or at least keep him this side of a breakdown.]

... what should I do, Hades? Even if... Even if I try to remember it's not permanent death... I can't face the thought of killing someone. Especially... you, or Cosmo, or Lily...

Only you can find the answer to that for in the end it is you that must live with the decision. We can only offer you suggestions.

[There's a brief flash of fear in his expression - after all, choosing for himself is just another reminder that he is alone now, separate from the whole.]

...What if my answer is wrong?

Then change it until it meets your standards. Experiment. I doubt you'll find the right answer the first time anyway.

That was always your strength and I imagine what earned you your position on Future is Now.

[He smiles weakly at first.]

I wonder. I don't think they care so much about who they put on which unit,

[He's quiet for a time, thinking, still looking Pretty Dang Miserable.]

...I can't fight for myself, Hades.

And why not? Is it the thought of others suffering when you could suffer in their place bother you so?

[...]

...I do not want to die. But I am not more important than others.

And why are you not as important?

[

sir i am From Amaurot]

I am just one person. The needs of the many outweigh the wants of the few. If I prioritise myself... to what end do I do it? What have I got to gain? You've said yourself that we are nearly immortal here.

How are your needs any less than any others? Your wants? 'Tis not as we have a group consensus or any common ground on which all units can stand upon.

And I'm not saying you should consider yourself more important, but instead consider everyone as an equal. No one person more important than the other. And if that thought appeases you, how can you play in a way which equally achieves everyone else's wants? Perhaps sometimes you play hard to satisfy your own needs, and sometimes you play softer to allow others the chance to win and satisfy theirs.

Would that make the choices in games more bearable?

Even if we do not have a common ground, should we not strive for it? We would never have it otherwise.

And... it is much harder for many others to die in games. They have things they fear, things they could not bear. If I can bear those better than they would, why should I sacrifice them instead? They are in a greater need than I am.

[He hugs his knees.]

... It would make it more bearable. All the hard decisions I've made before... it was because Jason was with us. And he feared death more than anything. So, to protect him... I did what I had to. What I could.

[He looks up at Emet sadly.]

But I cannot make such a decision to protect myself, you understand? I... can heal, sooner or later. But I don't know if others can. Death and suffering are inevitable, but... it would be best if we could share it. Those that can shouldering things for those that can't, and vice versa.

Can you truly heal from it? I would wager you don't know the answer to that yet.

But if you truly want to shoulder for those that can't then I would start by asking. Build the bonds with the units and see what they truly want. See what you and they can gave until you all are satisfied with how you play. And set expectations with your unit as well.

I think you'll find most would want to protect their loved ones over themselves, it being easier to suffer than watch that for which they care for suffer.

You still have hope for people, Hythlodeaus. I do not. This is not Amaurot nor will it ever will be. Thus the rules that would apply in our home are not suited well here. Just remember that when you come to your decision.

[He listens attentively - it's good advice, and he's particularly glad that Emet isn't scolding him or calling him naive for wanting things to be better.

At that last part, though, he gently frames Emet's face in his hands, not saying anything yet, just looking at him with a soft smile...

and then

pulling him down a little to give A Forehead Smooch.]

[He makes a face! The one I don't have an icon for, but you know. Where he seems dreadfully sarcastic.]

What?

[... ohohohohoho TIME FOR GREMLIN. He meant this to be a serious thing, but also he can't help himself.]

You're adorable when you're grumpy.

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