firstworldproblem | IC Inbox 2 (Imeeji)

I've always been contrarian, haven't I? Of course I would run to it all the more if you withheld it from me.

[He chuckles.]

Though in that case I would likely have been cross with you for seeing Hythlodaeus in me when I wasn't yet him... I wonder if there would have been a way forward for us that didn't have any friction.

[News of Azem, though... Leave him stunned. He doesn't know what he expected, but that wasn't... that wasn't it.]

... Oh.

[He stays quiet, trying to process the thought. Even though he remembers so little, it feels... wrong, to think that...]

...they are gone?..

We're all gone, Levity. Every last one of us.

Not the most cheerful of news, but that is the truth of it.

[Yeah sorry he's just going to take a moment, leaning back against Emet. Eventually...]

... but we're here. You and I, and Cosmo...

A second chance I am grateful for everyday.

[He kisses his forehead.]

I know this is all overwhelming. Take your time. You need not find your answers right away.

...It is.

[He admits quietly, slumping against Emet more--but even that's not enough and after a while he decides to sit back down on the sand, looking out at the sea, but at least he's keeping his hold on Emet's hand.]

It's...

[He trails off, clearly shaken by the revelations.]

I've been... I haven't really let myself think about it before...

[He sits with him, head resting on his shoulder.]

It's been so long, we have forgotten the initial sting of it. So do scold us on being hasty. Take time to look. To learn. To remember.

[He nods, slowly - and then wraps his arms around Emet tighter, as though trying to hide, body tense and breath a little too obviously controlled.]

I did... I wanted to ask... How you did-- how to...

[how do you DEAL with murder and stuff!!!!! like actual real murder not just game murder!!!]

[He tucks him under his head and holds him tightly.]

How do I...?

[thank u.......... big comfy.]

How do you... deal with it all? With the way--things are... the things we're forced to do...

[He still assumes they are talking about games, so he doesn't get 'ergo not truly alive' speech.]

Truthfully it helps to remember that everyone here is practically immortal. There are scars left behind I will not trivialize, but even after the worst of it there is no permanence. If there were, I think we'd all find it much more difficult to play as hard as we do.

[(Un)fortunately that's close enough, he's not ready to face The Ascianism in full yet anyway.]

But it's... killing and hurting someone still. It's... I-I could deal with it if I was not thinking about it, or when Jason was still here, but...

Even if--even if we are revived, it's still... death and suffering. And I can't...

I am not trying to say that it is not. That people will not be hurt.

But the reality is that people will be regardless of anyone's actions. Even if we all banded together, death is still a reality we must face.

[He doesn't answer, just curling up and hiding his face in his hands instead. :( Sometimes you're an Ancient actually confronting hurting and murdering people and that's more than you can handle?]

[He just strokes his back because it DOES SUCK. But life isn't really fair.]

[But what if, it was fair??? :(

He's just going to cling for a time, trying not to cry.]

I hate it...

I know.

[Continues to pet him.]

And you should. It should not be this way.

[The petting seems to calm him - or at least keep him this side of a breakdown.]

... what should I do, Hades? Even if... Even if I try to remember it's not permanent death... I can't face the thought of killing someone. Especially... you, or Cosmo, or Lily...

Only you can find the answer to that for in the end it is you that must live with the decision. We can only offer you suggestions.

[There's a brief flash of fear in his expression - after all, choosing for himself is just another reminder that he is alone now, separate from the whole.]

...What if my answer is wrong?

Then change it until it meets your standards. Experiment. I doubt you'll find the right answer the first time anyway.

That was always your strength and I imagine what earned you your position on Future is Now.

[He smiles weakly at first.]

I wonder. I don't think they care so much about who they put on which unit,

[He's quiet for a time, thinking, still looking Pretty Dang Miserable.]

...I can't fight for myself, Hades.

And why not? Is it the thought of others suffering when you could suffer in their place bother you so?

[...]

...I do not want to die. But I am not more important than others.

And why are you not as important?

[

sir i am From Amaurot]

I am just one person. The needs of the many outweigh the wants of the few. If I prioritise myself... to what end do I do it? What have I got to gain? You've said yourself that we are nearly immortal here.

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