Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 06:14 am (UTC)(link)
[He pauses, looking aside, a pained expression on his face as he thinks. Is he upset about that?

He tries to think about all the things he's learned here. From Jason. From Glory. From his unit.]

... No. I know I should not count on the kindness of others. I do not. But it makes me feel a fool to look out for others when they do not do the same. Yet I cannot... not do that. So I am a fool no matter what.

[He drops his arms, suddenly looking exhausted, then sits down on the floor, crossing his legs and pulling out one of the bits of metal he always keeps in his pockets nowadays. Do unit abilities work within dreams? He's going to try Reuse-and-Recycle-ing the metal piece into a moebius strip. Moping.]

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 06:49 am (UTC)(link)
[He hunches his shoulders, half-curling up, simultaneously defensive and defeated.]

But what is the point of me trying to care about anyone other than my unit? Whatever goodwill I may put in my actions is so easily dismissed or rendered useless by what others do! But I--can't shut down that part of myself, I can't play as hard as you do, and my unit suffers for it. I'm punished for being--for trying to be kind. Then why should I keep trying? Why don't I just forget about everyone else except for a handful of people?

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 07:11 am (UTC)(link)
[He breathes out shakily, covering up his face.]

I just... Wish we could all play safer during games... So everyone has an equal chance, without having to sacrifice what they believe in to survive...
weenwoon: DT_ff14 (flesh and blood but what's underneath)

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 07:26 am (UTC)(link)
[Okay the kiss actually kind of makes him cry? He looks up at Emet, blinking tears out of his eyes.]

Aren't you angry with me?
weenwoon: (late night)

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 07:36 am (UTC)(link)
...For being upset with you over this. For... not really understanding you a lot of the time. Or not making the effort...
weenwoon: (late night)

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 08:00 am (UTC)(link)
[He stares ahead for a time, thinking, pulling up his knees to his chest and hugging them. It still leaves him with an unpleasant heaviness in his gut to know he's hurt Emet like that, but... He still can't quite get over the feeling that the way Baritones played was not necessary.]

I... can accept it, I think. It's just... hard.

[He sighs quietly.]

I... was not ready for it. In all the other games... It was randomized, or there really was no room for anything less than going all out... I did not realize just how hard you would play.

[...]

Some time before he left, Absinthe and I talked about the time he bid ZRAEL's ability to breathe in a game. So... That was the kind of thing I'd expected from him. But he's not here anymore.
weenwoon: haki is too powerful (unusually serious)

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 08:29 am (UTC)(link)
[He turns the piece of metal in his fingers slowly, this time shaping it into a filigree star.]

...The reason I was upset was... I really did not expect it. I had expected you to choose a high number, but not all. In the future I will know, and I will take it better. I do not agree with it, and I could not play like that... but I can understand.

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 04:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[Despite the reassurance, he's quiet for a while more, tense. New tears slowly well up, and he finally manages to whisper:]

I'll... have to kill you one day... Cosmo... Lily...

[Someone has never actually put into thought the fact their units might go against one another.]
weenwoon: (uh oh)

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)
[Very hard, as it turns out! Levity presses his hands to his mouth, nausea rising.]

But... But if our units ever face each other...
weenwoon: DT_ff14 (flesh and blood but what's underneath)

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 05:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[mmmMMMMMM loving this! Sure! He screws his eyes shut, but unfortunately that doesn't make the mental images go away.]

But... But if it's not just you...

[He finally looks at Emet, eyes full of fear and pain.]

I... I'll have to kill you... or you'll kill us...
weenwoon: Ina_FF14 (hythlodaeus goes to a shoujo manga)

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-28 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
[NOT REALLY. Levity shakes his head, curling up more.]

... It's not.

[It's strange, how much this upsets him. Didn't he talk about such situations with other friends before? Isn't this the same as what he'd told Hope, that BAD END shouldn't count on FiN's mercy?

Is it really so different just because he has several loved ones on Baritones?]
weenwoon: DT_ff14 (flesh and blood but what's underneath)

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-29 01:40 am (UTC)(link)
[He nods, very slowly.]

I don't... want to kill you. Any of you...

[An exhale, slow, careful.]

Alone, one on one... I could try... I wouldn't succeed, but I have to try, so that it's fair...

[He falls silent once again, trying to sort through his feelings, then turns to give Emet a mournful look.]

... No. It's not that. I just... can't handle thinking of you as an enemy. As a threat.
weenwoon: (late night)

Re: 378?

[personal profile] weenwoon 2021-06-29 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
[Lily and Levity are either very good for each other or (checks hand) imagine worst case scenarios and work themselves up into self-sacrifice for the sake of one another. Or others. It's a white hair thing.

That seems to reassure him a little, though! He's still looking worried, but finds it in himself to joke.]

A member of Baritones, chiding someone else for being dramatic?

[Alright, back to focusing on breathing. In, out.]

...I talked about it with Absinthe before. Whether it's... fine for me to sacrifice someone or kill them by such second-hand means in a game when I could not do it face to face.

[Do we have like grass or sand or something on the floor so he can trace patterns in it?]

We agreed that if we met in such a game that pitted us against one another directly... We would both do our best to win. Even though I know I would lose... but I felt that I would owe it to him to try. I tried to treat it as a thought exercise... even made some designs that would--designs for weapons...

[Judging by the way he trails off, though, he's not very happy about that. In fact, he's starting to look more distant again, like he's dissociating.]

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