But you are using me, are you not? You are trying to find a sense of normalcy, a perceived 'normal' interaction. Though by whose standards is anyone's guess.

Thoughts themselves are not grounds for berating. If they were, we would able terrible and horrible creatures. Perhaps you see your children as tools to be adored by your husband. Perhaps you see your husband as a tool to your won happiness. Can they not be both? Can you not love them and see their potential, their usefulness?