firstworldproblem | IC Inbox 2 (Imeeji)

[He laughs too once he has enough air in his lungs again, and--decides to cheat, taking out another piece of metal from his pocket and Gadgeteering it with the "certificate" to make it a proper badge.]

Thank you, thank you! This will take the place of honour on my wall.

While not particularly flashy, your abilities are quite handy.

And I hope you would cherish it. I would not do this for just anyone.

By that, do you mean you wouldn't reward someone for tricking you in a dare to eat the most sandwiches they can, or that you wouldn't dare someone to eat the highest number of sandwiches, or both? I need to know to precisely calculate how honoured I ought to be!

How about I wouldn't even bother with the effort of ensuring most would be fed, dare or not.

... You really remind me of Absinthe right now.

I'm going to take that as a compliment.

Well, it was said in fondness. I do love him dearly.

And I'm sure he is still completely baffled at having those that love him.

I think he is. He'd always seem surprised whenever I told him I care for him, or trust him... Though perhaps that's a little different for me and him than it is for him and you.

He and I are more similar in outlook, our humor more morbid. But it did still surprise him. Though to be honest, his own manner of acceptance surprised me as well.

I'm sure you felt something similar.

By acceptance you mean?..

Absinthe was the first I told of my past, and it did go better than I could have expected. I am used to more hostility, honestly. Though when one has a stake in the matter it does become more personal.

[Hm!!!]

... But his circumstances are quite similar to ours, aren't they? Losing everything and everyone he's ever known and loved - in such a cruel manner, too. Forced to exist in a changed, alien world. Alone... for a terribly long time. It's not surprising your past struck a chord with him.

What happened to our star was more cruel, his personal circumstance was even more so. Even throughout the eons, I had the other two to cling to as unsteady as we were. He was betrayed by whom he loved most.

And that doesn't even begin to speak of Bahamut, a truly worthless god if there ever was one. Zodiark, great as He is, did grant our desire.

[mmmmMMMMMMMMMM doubts about Zodiark.]

... truly, I haven't much other than contempt in my heart for Bahamut. Forcing Absinthe to bring death and suffering to so many people, and condemning him for it at the same time...

[He pulls up a knee to himself, hugging it and resting his chin on it thoughtfully.]

... Perhaps it would explain why he had started to take pleasure in being cruel to others. Trying to maintain at least some control over his life and fate...

I don't believe Absinthe in the end minded the death and destruction he wrought for those that had wronged him. It twisted inside of him into an ugly thing.

But I cannot imagine what agony he must have lived in with his isolation and having no path forward. He could not even choose to die, Bahamut's hold on him as it was along with the Starscourge.

And that is why removing the Starscourge from his soul is not a task I would take lightly or ask just anyone to join me in. It might not seem as grand as the rest of what we are planning, but it still rings with importance. To break him of the Starscourge is to give him true freedom. Something that he has not had since his imprisonment.

And this is excluding the memories that overlay his own and how confusing that must be.

I'd asked him if he wanted to be free of the Starscourge... and it seemed as though he couldn't quite fathom the idea. He tried to assure me that it was unnecessary, that he'd "adapted" to it quite well... But in the end he admitted that there is a difference between simply adapting and enjoying something, and that he cannot think of what kind of change removing the scourge would bring in him.

He'd... really quite given up on himself, hadn't he?

[He raises his eyebrows.]

What's this about memories now?

Presented with so few options, is it truly surprising.

For every being he infects with the Starscourge, their memories become his own. And considering at which liberty in which he used it and even absorbing what they would call a 'god' his mindscape is rather ... crowded.

His own mind is another aspect I'd like to give back to him.

I see...

I want him to be free, too. But it is a delicate matter, and I want to make sure that we do not prioritize our wants over his.

I'm almost insulted you would imply I would. Ever do I have a delicate hand.

[So sarcastically said. You know the voice.]

I would never force a decision on Absinthe. Though he knows not of it, it was a promise I made to myself for him long before even Cosmo was here. He has been denied free will for far too long, and I will not take that away from him.

The desire to come to Amaurot was his choice. Had he desired oblivion, I would have helped him down that path as well.

This, coming from the man who confessed to enjoying making others uncomfortable for their growth? I do wonder if you can proclaim to be a gentle nursemaid to others.

[SARCASTIC RIGHT BACK AT YOU, EMET]

He did tell me he wishes to come to Amaurot, yes, though finding his rest is still his ultimate goal. But he simply seemed to have.. mm, not reservations as such, but - a lack of certainty regarding the untangling of his soul. He kept saying that he sees no point in it, given that his ultimate desire is to end, but did not protest against it either. I got the impression he had simply never expected to ever be free of the scourge, and thus does not know what to think about our intentions.

Then would it not be our goal to provide him with a solution? If he takes it or not would be his choice.

Yes... I like that way of putting it. Although selfishly I do hope that he would take it, and that he would leave the thoughts of his demise. He deserves his rest more than anyone, of course, but I want him to find a future. He was rather denied one.

While I believe we have time to convince him, in the end if he does choose that path, then we will simply have to watch over his soul to ensure no one can disturb it. And he can rest in piece.

Of course. As I said, he deserves his rest - greatly.

[Gives Emet a Look, though.]

And... perhaps another incentive we have to help him is that he was quite curious about what it's like to join souls with another.

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Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)

Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)

Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)

Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)

Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)

Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)

Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)

Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)

Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)

Re: 383, after kissy game (cw: suicide)