[There's a brief flash of fear in his expression - after all, choosing for himself is just another reminder that he is alone now, separate from the whole.]
I am just one person. The needs of the many outweigh the wants of the few. If I prioritise myself... to what end do I do it? What have I got to gain? You've said yourself that we are nearly immortal here.
How are your needs any less than any others? Your wants? 'Tis not as we have a group consensus or any common ground on which all units can stand upon.
And I'm not saying you should consider yourself more important, but instead consider everyone as an equal. No one person more important than the other. And if that thought appeases you, how can you play in a way which equally achieves everyone else's wants? Perhaps sometimes you play hard to satisfy your own needs, and sometimes you play softer to allow others the chance to win and satisfy theirs.
Would that make the choices in games more bearable?
Even if we do not have a common ground, should we not strive for it? We would never have it otherwise.
And... it is much harder for many others to die in games. They have things they fear, things they could not bear. If I can bear those better than they would, why should I sacrifice them instead? They are in a greater need than I am.
[He hugs his knees.]
... It would make it more bearable. All the hard decisions I've made before... it was because Jason was with us. And he feared death more than anything. So, to protect him... I did what I had to. What I could.
[He looks up at Emet sadly.]
But I cannot make such a decision to protect myself, you understand? I... can heal, sooner or later. But I don't know if others can. Death and suffering are inevitable, but... it would be best if we could share it. Those that can shouldering things for those that can't, and vice versa.
Can you truly heal from it? I would wager you don't know the answer to that yet.
But if you truly want to shoulder for those that can't then I would start by asking. Build the bonds with the units and see what they truly want. See what you and they can gave until you all are satisfied with how you play. And set expectations with your unit as well.
I think you'll find most would want to protect their loved ones over themselves, it being easier to suffer than watch that for which they care for suffer.
You still have hope for people, Hythlodeaus. I do not. This is not Amaurot nor will it ever will be. Thus the rules that would apply in our home are not suited well here. Just remember that when you come to your decision.
[He listens attentively - it's good advice, and he's particularly glad that Emet isn't scolding him or calling him naive for wanting things to be better.
At that last part, though, he gently frames Emet's face in his hands, not saying anything yet, just looking at him with a soft smile...
and then
pulling him down a little to give A Forehead Smooch.]
[...well, that's kind of a cryptic wording, so he decides to take the plunge and just. Say things outright.]
What I mean to ask is... Will that hope of mine make you feel as though I will reject you? You see, I... already find myself wondering if I should say or do things, for fear of you taking it as a harbinger of my rejection. And I do not want for us to live like this.
Take this was as least offense as possible, but I have come to the conclusion you will be more likely a weeping puddle on the floor to trip over rather than an actual adversary. And that, while still regrettable and I will seek to change, I can work with.
[He purses his lips a little at that description; it doesn't exactly help him feel better about being a softie, but he can put that aside for now. For now.
That wording, though, catches his attention for some reason.]
... I like the idea of that. I just... wasn't sure what the alternative was supposed to be. What would you have done if I'd said it was unacceptable? Lied to me?
[There's a joking tone to his voice, as though he doesn't believe Emet could do that.]
Truthfully, it would be easier to complete our work and then come pick you up from wherever you had wandered to. But I don't believe you would be satisfied with that answer either.
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...What if my answer is wrong?
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That was always your strength and I imagine what earned you your position on Future is Now.
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I wonder. I don't think they care so much about who they put on which unit,
[He's quiet for a time, thinking, still looking Pretty Dang Miserable.]
...I can't fight for myself, Hades.
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...I do not want to die. But I am not more important than others.
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sir i am From Amaurot]
I am just one person. The needs of the many outweigh the wants of the few. If I prioritise myself... to what end do I do it? What have I got to gain? You've said yourself that we are nearly immortal here.
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And I'm not saying you should consider yourself more important, but instead consider everyone as an equal. No one person more important than the other. And if that thought appeases you, how can you play in a way which equally achieves everyone else's wants? Perhaps sometimes you play hard to satisfy your own needs, and sometimes you play softer to allow others the chance to win and satisfy theirs.
Would that make the choices in games more bearable?
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And... it is much harder for many others to die in games. They have things they fear, things they could not bear. If I can bear those better than they would, why should I sacrifice them instead? They are in a greater need than I am.
[He hugs his knees.]
... It would make it more bearable. All the hard decisions I've made before... it was because Jason was with us. And he feared death more than anything. So, to protect him... I did what I had to. What I could.
[He looks up at Emet sadly.]
But I cannot make such a decision to protect myself, you understand? I... can heal, sooner or later. But I don't know if others can. Death and suffering are inevitable, but... it would be best if we could share it. Those that can shouldering things for those that can't, and vice versa.
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But if you truly want to shoulder for those that can't then I would start by asking. Build the bonds with the units and see what they truly want. See what you and they can gave until you all are satisfied with how you play. And set expectations with your unit as well.
I think you'll find most would want to protect their loved ones over themselves, it being easier to suffer than watch that for which they care for suffer.
You still have hope for people, Hythlodeaus. I do not. This is not Amaurot nor will it ever will be. Thus the rules that would apply in our home are not suited well here. Just remember that when you come to your decision.
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At that last part, though, he gently frames Emet's face in his hands, not saying anything yet, just looking at him with a soft smile...
and then
pulling him down a little to give A Forehead Smooch.]
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What?
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You're adorable when you're grumpy.
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But as funny as this is, there are still serious things to talk about.]
Do you see it as a flaw of mine, Hades? The fact that I still have hope for people?
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'Tis not a flaw. But I can hardly keep my own affairs in order. I hardly have the energy to branch out.
You are welcome to try.
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Am I?
[...well, that's kind of a cryptic wording, so he decides to take the plunge and just. Say things outright.]
What I mean to ask is... Will that hope of mine make you feel as though I will reject you? You see, I... already find myself wondering if I should say or do things, for fear of you taking it as a harbinger of my rejection. And I do not want for us to live like this.
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Is that an acceptable answer?
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That wording, though, catches his attention for some reason.]
... Why do you ask if it's acceptable?
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... I like the idea of that. I just... wasn't sure what the alternative was supposed to be. What would you have done if I'd said it was unacceptable? Lied to me?
[There's a joking tone to his voice, as though he doesn't believe Emet could do that.]
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[He's teasing, mostly.]
Truthfully, it would be easier to complete our work and then come pick you up from wherever you had wandered to. But I don't believe you would be satisfied with that answer either.
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[HE IS, THOUGH. That's so much better than murders and stuff?]
And you were the one who said we would need all three of our wishes to make certain we get our world back, yes?
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But what do you want, Hythlodaeus? Before you is endless possibilities.
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[Also oh no, the hard questions. He looks down at the sand, trailing his fingers through it aimlessly.]
In truth... I've no idea. I do not know enough yet to figure out what I want.
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